


Harry Potter - Headcanons, Observations, Conspiracy Theories and More

by SwaggerDownTheStreet



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: I Must Put This Into The World, I Update When I Get In The Mood, It Says Finished, but it isn't, headcanons
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-31
Updated: 2019-08-31
Packaged: 2020-10-03 20:13:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20458799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SwaggerDownTheStreet/pseuds/SwaggerDownTheStreet
Summary: I have headcanons and other ideas and all this crap and I must present them to the public. I am very proud of some but not so much others. Not all of them are mine I don't think, but I'll try to quote the source when I can. Otherwise I'll probably just put 'not mine'. I might decide to seperate it into chapters later on, I dunno.





	Harry Potter - Headcanons, Observations, Conspiracy Theories and More

Okay, I have decided that each Hogwarts house has a sort of anthem they sing before Quidditch matches, and they reflect on every good aspect of their house and why they're proud of the house and everything and no one can tell me otherwise. This includes you, Joanne.

Like, Gryffindor - Talks about bravery/courage, loyalty, justice, all that sort of things.

Ravenclaw - Talks about creativity, thirst for knowledge, individuality, that good stuff.

Hufflepuff - Describes hard work, loyalty, kidness, compassion, acceptance of people, things like that.

AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST SLYTHERIN - THIS IS WHERE THEY EXPLAIN THEY'RE NOT ABOUT EVIL; THEY ARE ABOUT SELF-RESPECT AND LEADERSHIP AND ACHIEVEMENTS AND STUFF 

THIS IS CANON AND NO ONE CAN TELL ME OTHERWISE

(If someone is feeling up to it, please write lyrics, I would very much appreciate it)

~Meee!

* * *

So we all know that muggle technology "goes haywire around Hogwarts", buy what if:

Some genius Ravenclaw muggleborn or maybe Slytherin, decides they wanna play their mobile iphone games. So they tweak around with them, and eventually find a way for it to work. The technology is duplicated and that person becomes a gaillionaire. THEN. Some kid decides they wanna play pokemon go. AND THEN THEY DISCOVER HOGWARTS IS JUST CRAWLING WITH RARE POKEMON AND THEN ALL THEIR MUGGLEBORN AND HALFBLOOD FRIENDS ARE IN ON IT AND ALL THE PUREBLOODS ARE SO CONFUSED BECAUSE WTF WHY IS THERE A KID POINTING A WEIRD MUGGLE THING AT THE TOILET I JUST WANTED TO GO TO THE BATHROOM

But also just imagine these kids coming home with literally every rare pokemon ever and also some that dont even exist outside hogwarts cuz the magic still messes with certain games somewhat. And all their muggle friends are shocked and confused and so are the makers of the game hahahahahaha

~Also me!

* * *

The Hufflepuff common room is very close to the kitchens, so I have decided:

Saturday night at midnight finds at least a dozen Hufflepuff kids of varying ages thanking house elves for the huge pile of food they're now brining back to the common room, where there will be a party. This has been going on for generations, and the house elves have learned to have food prepared and set aside each saturday specifically for this purpose. Saturday nights in the Hufflepuff common room are wild, with firewhiskey (kept out of reach of the minors) non alcoholc drinks, candy, sugary foods, and loads of stuff from Hogsmeade as well. Every house would want in on it, but no one else knows about it.

HUFFLEPUFFS ARE WILD PARTIERS DONT TRY TO CHANGE MY MIND

* * *

Ok, I read a tumblr on this but I can't remember which one it was at the moment.

What if Sirius is waiting for Hagrid at the house on yhat night when Voldemort's powers went kaput, and then he takes harry and explains everything to all the peeps about the animagi-werewolf-comforters thing and the peter-is-a-sob-made-secret-keeper thing and the Ministry peeps aren't complete sobs and Sirius gives Hagrid a note explaining to Dumbledore just how stupid it would be to raise Harry via muggles and how Sirius is his legal guardian and so Harry goes to live with Sirius instead.

So everything is good and everything is different and at least Remus and Sirius don't die and Tonks I think and everything is so much better

* * *

This has literally bugged me for years and I just now realized the actual reason for it:

_Never forget wizard Baruffio, who said 's' instead of 'f' and found himself on the floor with a buffalo on his chest._ -Professor Filius Flitwick, The Scorcerer's Stone

The spell is 'Wingardium Levio**s**a' not 'Wingardium Levio**f**a' so I've always been very very confused. Then I realized (literally just today even though I read this the first time like seven years ago) that it's 99.9999999…% chance that it's a typo and in the quote the 2 letters are probably supposed to be flipped.

Call me stupid, but I literally just realized that, and it's been one of the biggest mysteries in my head for so long and this is a momentous occasion cos I finally solved it.

We all make mistakes people!

* * *

Okay, just imagine if Parslemouths weren't quite as rare as they're made out to be in canon (I mean come on you can't tell me Slytherin was the only peep who could Parsletongue) and there's several of them at hogwarts. Imagine what they think when people hiss in confusion, pain, frustration etc. Like...

Person who can't figure out the Ravenclaw riddle hisses in frustration cuz they needa get their stuff and they're gonna be late for class like wtf.  
And some poor Slytherin walks by wondering why they're threatening the statue with whipped cream and a My Little Pony theme song. And they're like (o.O;)

OR. Some obliviou kid taking their exam and is muttering the killing curse in parsletongue under their breath (FRUSTRATED HISSING) and some poor Slytherin can't figure out why and just asks to switch seats like bruh why are you tryna kil ur paper I cant concentrate

Srsly this is such a hilarious concept and I can't stop thinking about it.

* * *

Honorable mention for the trick doors/fake doors/tickle doors/locked doors in hogwarts because they're only ever mentioned once in canon and no one uses them in fanfics and it makes me sad.

* * *

Honorable mention for the pointy wizard hats that were mentioned in harry's first hogwarts letter and 'sea of pointed black hats' or something in the Great Hall because they never appear again so it makes me think they lost their point and were never used and it makes me sad.

* * *

Speculation on the Hogwarts uniforms.

This has been a debated thing since the series came out, and my honest answer is - I dont think Rowling gave a crap.

The letter only mentions robes and a winter cloak, implying there is nothing else in the uniform, as well as the fact that in Severus' memory when James used the one levicorpus or whatever it was you could see his underwear it said. It also says at some point that Harry put his wand in the pocket of his jeans, implying that yes they do wear stuff underneath.

My guess would be that it's the student's choice. Muggleborns would probably rather wear something underneath, whereas purebloods and halfbloods would be more accustomed.

Honestly, it's up for interpretation.

* * *

Imagine the one Prefect who realizes just how much they can screw with people so they walk around all day giving and taking points from every house at random under their breath but making sure they give them back like

"Fifty points from Slytherin, a hundred points to Slytherin, fifty points from Slytherin."

And literally everyone walking by the hourglasses for the next three years just stares like wtf and when that certain prefect finally leaves and it goes back to normal no one understands and they think about it for the rest of their lives

* * *

But just imagine that Slyyherin muggle born (THAT IS TOTALLY A THING BTW) who comes to Hogwarts and thinks it's hilarious that everyone's afraid of a name so they walk around using the name Voldemort in their words as often as they can like

"When did the Dark Lord-"

"Y'mean VOLDEMORT"

AAAAAAH

And the school is just terrorized for seven years and no one could stop it I just can't believe this didn't happen at one point you can't make me

* * *

Imagine how bad Sirius felt in his cell in Azkaban for thirteen years. I mean, one best friend murders another best friend and he gets blamed and can't prove otherwise so he doesn't even try. Think how he knew his best friend's son would grow up thinking Sirius was a cold-blooded murderer who killed his best friend and his godson's father 

This just makes me so sad you don't even know

* * *

I have no idea if this has been discussed already but WIZARD COMICS GUYS!

We know they're a thing because Ron had 'The Adventures if Marvin Miggs the Mad Muggle' or whatever it was in his room in CoS. So I'm thinking it's either like the characters run through the panels acting the story out or they stay in their panls and there's several depictions of each character and they just do the same thing over and over kind of like gifs.

* * *

I know it's been done. I don't actually care.

Imagine: Fifth Hogwarts house.

Sassafrass (come on you know it's perfect)  
Colors: Purple and white  
Hourlass gems: Amethysts  
Animal: Fox  
Element: Idk what element is there left besides aether?

And now the important stuff:  
People meant for Sassafrass are sarcastic to no end, and their sassiness runs right to their CORE. They bow to no one. Rules are there to be broen. Their common room is empty at midnight. They know every secret passage ever discovered and are still finding more. (I refuse to believe Hogwarts doesn't change over time. I mean it's MAGICAL) Any muggleborns in this house find a way to circumvent the no muggle crap rule, and therefore they teach all their pureblood buddies all about muggle pop culture.There is no Hogwarts ruke that hasn't been broken at least once by someone in this house. They never win the house cup because they almost always have negative points and they get way too many fouls in Quidditch to win (though never dangerously). They almost always just barely pass their classes because they mess around in class too much.

That house would be the best one.

* * *

I just decided that ice and water are interchangeable as the elements of Slytherin.

We all know that water is Slytherin's element because it's fluid, always flowing down the easiest path.

But sometimes water gets cold. It freezes into ice and it develops jagged edges and kills people with its sheer freezingness. It's still slippery. But it's no longer very helpful; You cannot drink it, and if you try, it will grab you by the tongue and try its best to rip it out.

But pour warm water on your tongue and it will free you. Bring ice someplace warm and it will melt, once again becoming fluid, quiet, peaceful beautiful water.

Omg Ima philosopher lol

* * *

Hey I just realized:

Pour water on a fire and it will either make the fire smaller and more bearable, or it will douse it completely.

Put fire underneath a pot of water and it will either make it warm and purify it, or it will completely vaporize it.

Gryffindor and Slytherin students can be good friends and help each other, but too much and they will both suffer.

So ya Im a philosopher.

* * *

I just had a thought about YET ANOTHER THING the movies got wrong.

So, dementors are supposed to be like 10-12 feet tall, right? Something like that, according to my memory of the books. So, just think about that. That's like twice my height and I'm apparently done growing. Think how freakishly tall dementors really are and let that scare you into fits for a bit.

Now, imagine a dementor, a horrid freakish hooded GIANT figure meant to literally suck the happiness and soul out of you (SOUNDS LIKE SCHOOL HUH) and think how they were bent double in a bright scarlet steam train looking for a convicted criminal who was actually innocent and might be a dog and wasn't actually on the train.

Picture it.

Laugh.

* * *

ALSO. Hagrid is said in the books to be twice as tall as an average man. ANOTHER OF-FACT MOVIE THINGY HEM HEM HEM. Anyway, that should mean he's TALLER than the dementors which is FREAKY BRO. ALSO IMAGINE HOW BIG HIS HUT IS REALLY SUPPOSED TO BE. IMAGINE HIS BONE CRUSHING HUGS THAT LIFT HARRY OFF THE GROUND. IMAGINE THIS FREAKISHLY HUGE MAN WITH WILD HAIR WHO LOOKS LIKE A PSYCHO. IMAGINE HIM TAKING CARE OF BABY NORBERT(A) AND CRYING ABOUT BUCKBEAK AND ALL THEM OTHER ANIMALS.

** _SMILE._ **


End file.
